What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life by Allison Daminger

The mental labor that keeps families afloat--and why women do most of it

Mothers and fathers use their time differently, with women spending roughly twice as many hours on family labor as men. But what about the gendered differences in the ways women and men think? What's on Her Mind provides an illuminating look at the cognitive labor that families depend on and reveals why this essential aspect of family life is disproportionately handled by women--even in couples that aspire to practice equality.

While most accounts of household labor center on how people use their time, Allison Daminger focuses on a less visible and less easily quantifiable aspect of family life. She introduces readers to the concept of cognitive labor--anticipating, researching, deciding, and following up--and shows how women in different-gender couples do most of this critical work. She argues that cognitive labor has less to do with personality traits--for example, she's type A while he's laid-back--and more to do with learned skills that men and women deploy in distinct ways. Yet not all couples fall into the personality trap. Daminger looks at different-gender couples who achieve a more balanced cognitive allocation while also exploring how queer couples carve out unique relationships to the gender binary.

Drawing on original, in-depth interviews with members of different- and same-gender couples, What's on Her Mind points to new ways of understanding the interplay between who we are as individuals and the cognitive work we do on behalf of our families.

"This book reveals how cognitive labor--planning, organizing, remembering--has long been placed on certain shoulders more than others. What's on Her Mind doesn't just highlight the problem--it points to solutions to help couples have meaningful conversations and build fairer partnerships. A fascinating and necessary read for anyone looking to understand the hidden forces shaping their daily lives, this book will change how you think about mental labor--and who's really doing it." --Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)


"Allison Daminger breaks new ground in revealing the sources and consequences of gender inequality by introducing us to the invisible but essential work of cognitive labor. An indispensable guide through the uncharted territory where couples decide who should carry the mental load of identifying and addressing their families' needs." --Kathleen Gerson, author of The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family

"This book reveals how cognitive labor--planning, organizing, remembering--has long been placed on certain shoulders more than others. What's on Her Mind doesn't just highlight the problem--it points to solutions to help couples have meaningful conversations and build fairer partnerships. A fascinating and necessary read for anyone looking to understand the hidden forces shaping their daily lives, this book will change how you think about mental labor--and who's really doing it." --Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)


" What's on Her Mind is an essential contribution to our ongoing conversation about household work and gender norms. Daminger is remarkably successful in documenting cognitive labor through mind-use journals and, importantly, how it feels to be the cognitive laborer. By including queer and nontraditional couples, she brings important stories and perspectives to a typically heteronormative research space." --Kate Mangino, author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home

"Allison Daminger breaks new ground in revealing the sources and consequences of gender inequality by introducing us to the invisible but essential work of cognitive labor. An indispensable guide through the uncharted territory where couples decide who should carry the mental load of identifying and addressing their families' needs." --Kathleen Gerson, author of The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family

"This book reveals how cognitive labor--planning, organizing, remembering--has long been placed on certain shoulders more than others. What's on Her Mind doesn't just highlight the problem--it points to solutions to help couples have meaningful conversations and build fairer partnerships. A fascinating and necessary read for anyone looking to understand the hidden forces shaping their daily lives, this book will change how you think about mental labor--and who's really doing it." --Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)


"What's on Allison Daminger's mind? It's cognitive labor, her term for a vital form of housework we all do but hadn't named until this pathbreaking work. Through captivating research with diverse couples, Daminger shows that gender equality will remain elusive until we attend to mind use in housework. Already it feels like a classic." --Caitlyn Collins, author of Making Motherhood Work: How Women Manage Careers and Caregiving

" What's on Her Mind is an essential contribution to our ongoing conversation about household work and gender norms. Daminger is remarkably successful in documenting cognitive labor through mind-use journals and, importantly, how it feels to be the cognitive laborer. By including queer and nontraditional couples, she brings important stories and perspectives to a typically heteronormative research space." --Kate Mangino, author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home

"Allison Daminger breaks new ground in revealing the sources and consequences of gender inequality by introducing us to the invisible but essential work of cognitive labor. An indispensable guide through the uncharted territory where couples decide who should carry the mental load of identifying and addressing their families' needs." --Kathleen Gerson, author of The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family

"This book reveals how cognitive labor--planning, organizing, remembering--has long been placed on certain shoulders more than others. What's on Her Mind doesn't just highlight the problem--it points to solutions to help couples have meaningful conversations and build fairer partnerships. A fascinating and necessary read for anyone looking to understand the hidden forces shaping their daily lives, this book will change how you think about mental labor--and who's really doing it." --Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)


"

An informative analysis. . . . Daminger demonstrates that although many Americans endorse gender equality, a substantial majority of women do most of the cognitive (and more than their fair share of the physical) work. She explains why and suggests how a more balanced allocation of responsibilities might be achieved.

" ---Glenn C. Altschuler, Psychology Today


"It is exactly [the] notion of how gender is embedded in our minds that Daminger's What's on Her Mind tackles, helping readers understand how couples negotiate the mental load of family life. . . . Daminger points us to the importance of centering the mental load in our discussions and not dismissing it as a 'woman's issue, ' carefully articulating why having women bogged down in worries about lost socks and dirty dishes is a problem for everyone." ---Leah Ruppanner, Science

Allison Daminger is assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Her work has been featured in leading publications such as the New York Times, the Guardian, Psychology Today, and the Atlantic.

Princeton University Press

Pub Date: September 09, 2025

0.94" H x 9.29" L x 5.91" W

248 pages

hardcover